Category: Autism Awareness

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Does your child know that he/she has autism? How and when do you tell him/her that he/she has autism?

A few weeks ago I met a lady and I shared that my son has autism, she got all excited (as we special needs parents often do).  It’s kind of like finding another member of the club.  Anyway, she was telling me that her young son was recently diagnosed.  She was so happy that she finally found the answer to why her child was “different”.   She said that his IQ is at genius level, and that he was talking in full sentences and using “big” words as a toddler.  I feel sure that this child can already see how he surpasses other children his age.

I was visiting with a friend the other day and she was sharing with me that a member of her family has a young son with autism and the parents are at odds with whether or not to tell the him.  He is at the age where he is becoming aware of the children around him.

My son is 26 and non-verbal.  His last IEP evaluated him at the level of a 6 month to 3 year old.  Have I told him that he has autism?  No, I have not sat him down and said “Son, there is a physical reason that you are different from your peers.”  But we have used the words around him.  We have always discussed his autism in his presence, talking about it as if it’s no big deal.  Because, we feel that for him and us, it really isn’t. (We have been dealing with this for 1/2 my life…there’s nothing new here)

Now if he was higher functioning, and unaware of his diagnosis, I would have told him that he has autism as soon as possible.  I think it would be unfair NOT to tell him.  There must be enough questions in his head adding to his frustration and anxiety. And one simple word could ease his pain and confusion.   It’s my job to protect him, and keeping him bubble wrapped would only help me, not him.

What do YOU think?  Have you told your child? And if not, why haven’t you?

~ASM

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ISO A New Best Friend

ISO  Best friend, must have a great sense of humor, compassion, be intuitive and know how to “take it to the grave”.  Preferably a woman, with at least one child, bonus if the child has special needs, such as autism, extra bonus if said child is a young adult.

She must be able to differentiate between venting and literal meaning in regards to husband ranting.  If I say “I want to kill my husband” she needs to know weather to hand me bowl of ice cream, or to start Googling “How to get blood  out of the carpet without fading the color.”

She needs to be able cheer with me when my autistic child reaches a long overdo milestone, and not get grossed out when I talk about some of the not so pleasantries that come with being an autism mom.

She needs to be able to look at me and know that I NEED to get out of the house and have a girls day, because the overwhelming black cloud that follows me around, is getting so close that it’s starting to block out the sun. Or that I need  her to just bring her hubby and kids over with a board game and snacks for a communal gathering.

She cannot be judgmental, especially about the condition of my house if she drops in unexpectedly, or about my weight.  However, she needs to motivate me by saying  things such as “Your house smells great,  I think it’s the smell of the fabric softener lofting through the air, from the heaping pile of laundry on the couch, waiting to be folded.” and “Come on, get your sneakers on, I feel like a 2 mile walk n talk.”

She needs to be able to read between the lines, when I say things like “Mary’s daughter just had a baby,  Mary is now a Grandma!”  and know that what I am really saying is “How lucky Mary is, I envy her, I will never be a grandmother.”

She needs to be able to blurt out the lines to a movie or sing a bit of a song that pops into her head as it relates to our conversation.  Bonus if she can join in as I do it.

She needs to be able to get along with my family, and mix well with the white collars, blue collars and rednecks.

Above all, she needs to know that most of this information that I share with her, has to stay hidden in the room that I have created, because no one on the “outside” can ever know… they just wouldn’t understand.

This position is open until filled,  compensation will be matched accordingly.  Serious Inquiries only.

~ASM

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Dear New Person working with my son

Dear New Person working with my son,

I just thought I would share a few things with you as you begin working with my child.

I hope you are a kind, loving and firm person.  I hope that you are creative and imaginative. I hope that you see outside of the box, but also see inside of the box that my son is in.

I hope that you have some kind of background and knowledge about autism, but not enough to make you an “expert”.  I don’t care that you have 3 degrees in “Autism Spectrum Disorders” and that your parents had a special needs daycare for 15 years (but you never worked with an autistic child).

That doesn’t mean that you know what is best for MY CHILD. My son, is not a case in a book that you studied, he is not the kid that your parents babysat.  My son is an individual, one of a kind, no one like him kinda guy. (as are all autistic people)

Most of all, I hope that you have what it takes to be such a huge part of my son’s daily life.  You see, I am and always will be his #1.  But you will need to be able to fill in as the runner up.  He needs to like you, TRUST you, rely on you, respect you and bond with you.

So here is what you need to know,  my son is a very happy young man, he loves his music, watches, planes, trains, Clifford the Big Red Dog, Scooby Doo and pictures of his favorite DVD’s.  Do not take these away from him…use them as tools.

He loves food, but if he has a day were he doesn’t eat for you, that’s okay…he will make up for it at home.  Because of his love of food, he needs to be kept active.  He can’t be allowed to sit and do nothing all day.

He understands 99% of what you say, and if you allow him to, he will manipulate you with affection or aggression.  This is where you need to be firm and gently push through any of his attempts to distract you.  He is a sweetheart and a flirt, and he knows how to use this to “sweet talk” you into letting him off easy.

He is smarter than we give him credit for…he can figure out how to make things work, either by pushing buttons, or by kissing your cheek until you melt from the sweetness and give in.

Although he doesn’t speak, if you pay close attention, you can figure out what he is trying to say., he can be very cleaver when trying to communicate with you.

With that all said, I hope that you and Buddy connect and that you can help him to make some strides in his skills and cut away, some of the autism box that surrounds him.

But keep in mind that,  that non-verbal, 6ft, young man that you are working with, is my baby…my life.  If you hurt him in any way, you won’t have to worry about the Wrath of God…but you WILL have to worry about the Wrath of Mom!

Welcome to the team!

~ASM